


Double Negative

by decadent_mousse



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Cardiophilia, Couch Cuddles, Fluff, Heartbeat Kink, M/M, Marriage Proposal, it's not not a marriage proposal, sort of, vague mention of depression related stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:10:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decadent_mousse/pseuds/decadent_mousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Josh's movie night turns into "talk about feelings and get emotional" night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double Negative

Movie night was winding down, and had technically crossed into movie morning about halfway through the third one.  Chris was still watching it, though Josh had caught him with his head propped up on his hand and his eyes closed more than once.   
  
Josh yawned.   
  
"Don't do that," Chris complained.  "I'm already having a hard time--" The rest of his sentence was swallowed up in a huge yawn.     
  
"Wanna snuggle?"   
  
"Dude, if we snuggle, I'm  _ definitely _ not going to make it through this."   
  
"Do you, though?"   
  
Chris looked at him out of the corner of his eye.  After a long moment of consideration, he said, "Yeah.  Come here."   
  
They were already sitting pretty close together, so it didn't take much to close the remaining distance.  Josh moved so Chris could stretch his legs across the couch and scoot back, and when he did Josh slid in the space between him and the couch, resting his head on his chest.  Chris wrapped his arms around him and turned his faltering attention back to the TV.   
  
He'd been right, though -- he was a goner.  He practically  _ sank _ into the couch as he relaxed -- dragging Josh both figuratively and literally down with him.  Josh's eyelids began to droop, and he stared at the TV but his brain wasn't really processing what he was watching.  Some hetero guy kissed a hetero girl like in every single rom-com ever made, and Chris's heart beating steadily beneath his ear was a hundred times more interesting to him than whatever was being said on-screen.

"I like this."   
  
"It's a good movie."

It was a shitty movie.  Chris has terrible taste in movies and a terrible weakness for cheesy romances, but Josh loved him enough to hold back from pointing that out.   
  
"No, I mean, this.  You and me, laying here."   
  
Chris rubbed his back.  "Yeah, like it, too."   
  
He bit his lip and thought about it for a few seconds before saying, "I like listening to your heartbeat."   
  
“Really?  What do you like about it?"

He bit his lip.  It was a hard thing to put into words.  Trying to put it into words in relation to Chris specifically was even harder, because he loved his heartbeat and he loved him.  There was almost no way he was going to get through this without sounding like a sap and no way at all he was going to get through it without sounding like a complete freak -- but this was Chris.  If he could talk about it about anyone and not be judged, it would be him. 

That didn't make it any easier.  It was hard to put something that was a completely sensory experience into words.  Especially when there were feelings tangled up in it.  He was so fucking bad at talking about his feelings.

"I don't know.  I guess it's, uh, relaxing.  To listen to."

Chris hummed thoughtfully.  

That was a terrible explanation.  It was  _ true _ , sure, but it wasn't enough.  He had to try again.

"It's you, you know?"

_ Real smooth. _

Chris, meanwhile, was still silent.  Giving him time to think over what he was trying to say, probably, which he appreciated.

"Laying here like this with you, just kind of existing.  It's nice to... hear it, I guess?  You just... being alive."

"Well, I do enjoy being alive," Chris said, jokingly, then a little more seriously, "I get it, I think."

He felt Chris's face press into his hair, and his heartbeat kicked up slightly.

"Sometimes at night when I can't sleep I listen to you breathe until I doze off again," he said softly.

Josh smiled to himself.  "Wow, that's... really gay."

"Asshole, " Chris laughed, poking him in the ribs just enough to make him squirm, ticklish.  "We have sex literally  _ all _ the time.  That’s pretty gay.”

Josh snickered and poked him in retaliation, even though Chris wasn't nearly as ticklish as he was, so it wasn't a fair fight.

“What I mean is that it's kind of a similar thing.  The whole being comforted by having someone alive and there with you… thing."

"Well, it's a comfort thing sometimes, but not all the time.  There's… other stuff."

"What do you mean?  What other stuff?"

The moment of truth, because Chris not being weirded out by the cute, cuddly side of it didn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be weirded out by the rest of it.

He wasn't really sure where to begin so he just dived in headfirst and hoped he wasn't about to massively freak out his boyfriend with his weirdly specific interests.

"Right after we have sex, it beats really hard.  So hard I can see your pulse, sometimes," he reached with a hand and pressed his fingers lightly against a spot a few inches below the dip of Chris' ribs.  "There."

Chris' laid his hand over his.  "I... didn't even realize there was a pulse there, to be honest."

"Well, there is.  It's the artery that sends blood to, you know, your stomach and all that."

"That's... interesting."

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm just... thinking.  I don't know.  So you're saying that's something that turns you on?"

"Yeah.  Yeah it is."

"Huh.  Why?"  He didn’t sound weirded out, just curious.

"Because I did it.  I had that effect on you.  Me."  He lifted his head, because whatever Chris' reaction was going to be, he wanted to see it.  "A couple touches in the right places and I can make your heart race like nobody else can."

"That's-- wow."  Chris laughed -- not mocking, it was one of those dorky bashful laughs of his that made Josh feel warm inside.  "You don't need to touch me to make my heart race."

"But I like touching you," Josh replied, stretching across his chest to kiss his neck.

"Oh, I definitely like you touching me," he breathed.  "But sometimes you just look at me from across a room and my pulse races.  Or I'll be somewhere, thinking about you.  How much I love you, how much I want you."

"I like that," Josh whispered, grinning against his jaw.

Chris turned his head to smile at him.  "I thought you might."

He was watching him through his eyelashes, and glanced up to meet his eyes when Josh looked up at him.  He didn't really know what to do with the amount of affection he saw there.  He'd never known what to do with it.  Wasn't even really sure, some days, if he even deserved to have anyone look at him like that.     
  
Chris took one of Josh's hands and pressed it to his chest, then he leaned in and kissed him.

His pulse was faster than it'd been when Josh had been listening a few minutes ago, heart thumping hard against the palm of his hand.  They kissed until they both had to come up for air, then they kissed some more.  By the time they were done making out, bodies pressed against each other, Josh could feel both their hearts pounding against his hand.  He couldn't tell one heartbeat from another, it was just a hard constant beat thrumming through his hand and moving up his arm.   


They laid there for awhile in relative silence, and then:

"Could I listen to yours?"

That threw him for a loop.  "What?  Why?"

"Well," Chris shrugged, "why not?"

He couldn't really think of a reason to say no, especially not after confiding in him about the whole thing in the first place.  He just hadn't really considered it. 

"You like listening to hearts, but you don't like having yours listened to?  Is that it?"

"I don't  _ not _ like it, I just... never really think about mine that much."

Which wasn't entirely true, but Chris didn't need to know about the nights he'd spent lying in bed with his hand on his chest mildly resenting his heart for beating.  That would've definitely been a mood killer.

"Well... maybe you should.  Think about it, I mean.”

"Hmm."

"Look, if you really don't want me to, it's okay.”

"...Alright."

He glanced down at him.  "Are you sure?"

"Like you said... why not?"

Chris rolled over and scooted down enough to put him right at chest level.  He settled against him and pressed his ear to his chest.  He didn't say anything, just laid there and listened.  It was awkward.  Not awkward enough for Josh to want him to stop, but awkward enough that he wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself, either.   


He thought about it for about half a second before pinching his nose and exhaling hard.  He felt his heart skip and thump hard against his ribs.  Chris glanced up at him sharply, eyes wide.

"What the hell was that?"

"A push."

"Yeah, okay, please don't do that again.  Ever."  He poked him in the ribs.  "That kind of thing can't be healthy."

Josh huffed, not bothering to hide his sulk.  "It’s not that big of a deal.  People do it all the time.  I was just trying to liven it up a little.  Kind of boring to listen to otherwise, bro."

"It isn't.  I like it just the way it is."  His arm settled around his waist.  "Wait, did you think  _ mine _ was boring to listen to?"

"No."

"Then why do you think you have to do weird, possibly dangerous shit to yours to make it more interesting?"

He... didn't have an answer for that.  At least not one he could easily put into words.  He sighed, glaring at the ceiling.

Chris chuckled.  "Your heart beats faster when you're frustrated.  I think I could learn, like, really serious insights into your psyche from this."

"Sure."

He poked Josh's chest.  "Reveal to me your secrets," he whispered dramatically.

"You're such a fucking nerd," Josh laughed. 

Chris squeezed him and pressed a soft kiss to his chest.  "That's a nice sound, too."   


He seemed content to stay where he was, and Josh started to relax a little.  The weight of his head there was comforting, even if he had mixed feelings about him listening.

"I like you being alive, too, you know," Chris said, softly enough that he almost didn't catch it.

His mind flailed around for an appropriate response and what ended up coming out was: "Okay."

"'Okay?'” Chris snorted.  “Seriously?"

"What else do you want me to say, man?"

"I don’t know.  You... you don't have to say anything, I guess.  I just wanted you to know that it-- it means a lot to me that you're still around.  That we can lay here together like this at all, after all the shit we’ve been through.  It’s kind of a big deal, for me.”

Josh stared at the ceiling, trying to think of the right thing to say.  He knew what Chris was getting at.  He knew how Chris felt, and how  _ he _ felt, he just wasn't sure how to say it without fucking it up.

"I, uh... I love you, you know that, right?"

Chris smiled.  He couldn't see it very well over the top of his head, but he could feel it.  "I do know.  I love you, too."

His eyes burned and his voice shook a little when he said, "I'm glad I'm still around, too."  It wasn't even a lie, which was a pretty big step up for him.

Chris gave him a gentle squeeze and relaxed against him again.  They were quiet for awhile.

Josh chewed on his lip and asked, "What does mine sound like?"

"What, your heart?"

He nodded, realized Chris couldn't see it, and said, "Yeah."

Chris made a thoughtful noise.  "It's really steady.  Strong.”  He poked him in the ribs.  "I expect it to keep beating for like, at least the next eighty years.  At _l_ _east_."

"I dunno, dude.  Eighty years is a pretty long time.  What's in it for me?"   
  
"Uh, life?  In general?  And... me."   
  
"You want to spend the next eighty years with me?"   
  
Chris's voice was soft when he said, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."   
  
It took him a minute to trust his voice enough to say, "Better watch out, Christopher.  That almost sounded like a proposal."   
  
"It's not _ not _ one.”

"Well, then I'm not  _ not _ saying yes."

Chris laughed.  “Okay, I'll make you a deal.”

“Let's hear it.”

“I'll work on an actual marriage proposal, and in a year or two if you still feel like you don't  _ don't _ want to marry me… we’ll see what happens.”

Josh’s heart was bouncing all over the damn place.  Hypothetical marriage proposals were not where he'd thought this night was going when they'd started out.

“Deal.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't mean to keep having Chris propose things like moving in and MARRIAGE in random situations, it just somehow keeps happening. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
